Decisions, Decisions

A few months ago, I let this blog fall by the wayside. Nobody was really reading or commenting, and I tend to get lazy with my cooking sometimes. especially when I'm broke, which by the end of the semester, I usually am. But I am in a new semester now, hopefully my last, and I have hit a crossroads of sorts. I love psychology. Or at least I used to. I love psychology in it's purest form. I am utterly intrigued by the inner workings of the human mind, and it seems that a career in psychology would be the right path for me, and for a long time, it was. Working on my master's has stolen all the joy of psychology from me. With advanced statistics, constant problems with my thesis and/or thesis advisors, and never ending red tape, the bureaucracy of a major university has killed everything inside me that loved learning anything and everything I could get my hands on. Now it is all about getting through that next paper, that next test, that next class. This is the beginning of what is supposed to be my final semester, assuming my thesis gets done on time. And I take no joy or pride in that. It's my name on a piece of paper, a really expensive insurance policy.

Psychology was the dream job and cooking was just a hobby, but those tables are starting to turn. Psychology is absolutely fascinating to me, but maybe just on my own terms. But I am day dreaming about dropping out and running away to cooking school, being the next Julia Child or Paula Deen, having a best selling cookbook or a television show, opening a restaurant, having people hear my name and say "God, I wish I could cook like that one day."

I want to be an icon. A kitchen goddess.

I've cooked a few dinners in the months since I've been MIA, tweaked a few dishes, even invented a few recipes of my own. I feel that I have really come into my own as a cook. I have decided I am going to continue on with this degree, finish it as quickly as I can, hopefully finish this semester and graduate on time. But in the background, I'll still be here. Blogging, cooking, testing, and writing it all down. Mario's mom gave me an empty recipe book for my birthday last year, and as I test new recipes, substitute things, tweak to my tastes, and make it my own, I am adding it to the blank pages. This semester, I am going to finish my thesis, but more importantly, I am going to write something that will actually make a difference, that somebody might give a damn about. A master's degree might make my mother proud but I think publishing a cookbook might too.