Seasons for Change

Back to blogging. As always, I manage to be mysteriously absent around the holidays, I can't really seem to help it.

Thanksgiving dinners (both times!) were absolutely lovely. That week, I also got a second job working at a pizza place, for some extra cash since my student loan payments are simply put: outrageous. So I've been pretty busy with end of the semester work, christmas shopping, loads of christmas baking (pumpkin bread, apple sauce cake, cookies and more!)and working about 60+ hours a week. I did manage to get home to visit with my parents for a little bit, which was wonderful. I was beginning to get very homesick so it was nice to have some time to relax and be with my family.

And now it's a new year. Sadly, I am not feeling especially inspired as of late. After investing nearly 3 years of my life, thousands of dollars, and who even knows how many hours and trees I've killed, I was asked to leave my master's program. I've had a couple days to try to come to terms with this, and to be honest, it's not going so well. I'm absolutely crushed. I'm 50k deep in student loan debt, and I've got not a damn thing to show for it. Even in the highly unlikely event that I could get into a different program now, I don't have the money or the spare time to try this all over again. And possibly fail. Again. Not even remotely the least of my problems is that at some point I have to tell my family. After every dumb decision I've made the past few years, some point in the very near future, I have to call home and relive one of the very worst experiences of my entire life and know that I have disappointed them again, that they may never feel proud of me or brag about me to their friends ever again. As worthless and stupid as I feel right now, that is the very worst of it. Worse than any of the other feelings is that I don't have the courage to own this and I don't know how I can ever face my family again.

After leaving the program coordinators office that day, I went to the dept chair. He has been my only ally in the program and he tried to offer me some words of wisdom. Move on, he said. This wasn't the program for you. You need to take the time to figure out what you really want. Find a different program, one that you ARE really passionate about, one that can help you grow into a career because keeping you here and letting you struggle in this one isn't doing you any favors. Try a clinical program with a practicum instead of thesis and work with people instead of numbers. But you have to get past today first. This part of your life is over, so keep walking.

And I guess he is right. This program wasn't working for me. I was miserable the entire time, I was never able to find a mentor, or even fit in with my classmates. So all in all, I guess my point is big changes are coming for me. And maybe I wasn't ready for them, but they were ready for me. Close friends keep telling me that this is a great opportunity, that I stopped loving psychology a long time ago, and now I have the chance to shed that skin and start over. It's tough for me to see things that way, but I don't have much of a choice. This part in my life is done, and it's time to keep walking.

Thanksgiving!

Ok so, I know I never seem to post that much anymore, but things have been kinda crazy and busy in my life. Especially because I work overnight, I have a hard time finding the energy to do serious cooking, and because of my ridiculous student loan payments, I don't typically have money to make the big extravagant meals that I used to. But Thanksgiving is an exception!

Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday, and in addition going home to cook a big fabulous dinner with my mom, I typically make a pre-Thanksgiving dinner with Mario and all the boys, who are practically my brothers anyway.

So this year, the Dollhouse (mine and Lindsay's place) is hosting the big event. All the boys and a few more friends will be joining us for Turkey Day: the prequel.
So here's the menu

Turkey (DUH!)
Stuffing
Mashed Potatoes
Gravy
Sweet Potato Casserole
Bacon Green Beans
Glazed Carrots
Sweet Corn Souffle
Cranberry Sauce
and Rolls

I never really bother with dessert because everybody is always too full to eat dessert anyway. I'm very excited though. I love the planning and shopping and obsessing over every detail like dishes and centerpieces and all that stuff. Just as much as I love the actual cooking part. And having everybody over, and feeding them all. Enjoying a great meal with friends. I love it all. So anyway, most of my shopping is done, my recipes are all set up and I am more when it comes to a dinner party than I ever have been with school work or thesis or my bills. Pretty sad actually...ANYWAY. I'll be sure to keep you updated as I make progess and I'll also make Mario take some progress pictures, as well as pictures of place settings and the dinner itself, and all of our friends who come to share the day with us!!

Cats

This is going to be a post about cats. That's it. Just cats.

I used to think I was kind of a cool kid but I suppose that really depends on your sadly warped definition of cool. In all seriousness, I'm the weird lady who works night shift and tries to feed everybody like they are my children and lives in a house full of cats. So a post dedicated to my very favorite roommate and our feline frenzy.

Molly, Fatboy, and Dennis....

Also, please check out this great website ....and donate if you feel so inclined. If I had more free time between cooking and thesis and cleaning and the madness of our own cats, I would love to work with her on her charity and volunteer work.

My Web Show Debut...Almost

This is just the most basic cut. Mario had to do a lot of strategic editing to get it under his 2.5 minute limit but get excited for the 5 minute version soon to come!! :D



So yeah, this started out as just a video editing project for Mario, but it was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed myself so expect some more.

Long Time, No See...

So I haven't posted in about 6 months. Pretty bad, I know. Things got a little hairy there towards the end of the semester. I got really busy with classes and tests and papers and projects, and my little cooking blog fell by the wayside. Then, even after the semester ended, I was on the hunt for a new job, filling out dozens of applications every day and getting very few call backs for somebody with a great job history and a college degree. And then a tree fell on my car. That's right, you heard me. Part of a 100+ year old oak tree fell and crushed my car to bits. And I cried. It was my baby, and though I complained about it on a nearly daily basis, it was my car, and it was still running, and most importantly, I wasn't having to make any payments on it. I was more than a little discouraged. Pretty tough to get a job with no transportation, but fortunately the insurance company came to the rescue with a rental car, I finally found a job working the front desk at a local hotel, and eventually got a new car, plus car payments too. I lost 35 lbs during the summer, but have since gained it all back :( I'm also desperately trying to get my thesis done. I'd really like to get a better paying job now that I have to start paying on my student loans soon, and there is a lot of family pressure to be done with it already. So I'm struggling but I'm still here, still cooking when I have the time and money.

Things are great with the (not so) new apartment. Lindsay and I (and our THREE cats!) are really enjoying it here. Currently listening to rain on the tin roof with a cat in my lap and avoiding folding the rest of my laundry. I'm stressed out about school and money stuff but mostly pretty happy. Mario and I's three year anniversary is in about a week and a half, we are actually going to be staying the night in the hotel where I work. It's sad, I know but I get a good discount, and it will be nice to take a little mini vacation.

So I've got some big plans to get back on the cooking scene. Yes, my degree is in Psychology, and it would be great to find a job in my area but jobs in the field seem really discouraging right now. Psychology just seems like more of a chore than anything to me at this point. I haven't loved it like I used to in years. And what I feel really passionate about these days is cooking. So I'm still working on my cookbook plans and thinking about creating a website. I'm interested in maybe starting a small catering business, though my lease states that I shall not operate any business out of my unit...haven't found a way around that yet. And I was helping Mario with one of his film class projects when we had a really phenomenal idea. He needed to do a short instructional video and asked me to cook something for him, and so this weekend, we made a how-to video for making bananas foster. It was a ton of fun, and got me thinking, I would love to have my own cooking show, so what's stopping me?!?! Mario and I are going to attempt to film, edit, and produce a cooking web show. If it works out, it would be something great for both of us to put on our resume, so we are going to give it a shot. He's got access to professional camera equipment as a film production student and we are aiming to create at least one episode a month, plus I could do some video blogging too. His class project within time restrictions should be up on youtube by the end of this week, and an extended cut to follow soon after. Food Network, here I come!

So I finally got around to telling my parents that I moved. Things did not go well for me. I haven't even asked about the TV cabinet yet, but they might come up and visit soon, and I plan on going down to visit soon as well, so hopefully I can get that and some other things, like my sewing machine, that I have a place and a use for now. Lindsay and I are commandeering a small table/stand/cart from Mario's house that we are going to set the TV on for now, and then once we have the other TV cabinet from my parents, we are going to move it into the reading nook and use it for our coffee makers and supplies and a cookie jar. Lindsay is getting some clothesline today. I started a little herb garden for us this weekend, and once I save a little more money, I am going to start hunting again for a little china cabinet and one more squishy chair for the reading nook. We are thinking of doing a citrusy kind of theme in the bathroom now. Anyway, I seemed to have lost my camera again, but I promise promise promise that I am going to post some pictures soon.

Ok, lots of things have been happening since the last post. I secretly lived in the new house for awhile, got locked out by the repairmen, lived with Mario for a little while, and then finally got the keys!

I found a super comfy loveseat at my favorite thrift store for only $10. It is in really rough shape but I am going to recover it in a pretty blue fabric and then some matching throw pillows for the other couch and hopefully it will pull all the furniture together nicely.
I planted some tiny gardenia bushes in the front flower bed so maybe we will have pretty smelling flowers sometime this summer.
I also got some cheap fabric on sale at walmart, and I am going to try to make kitchen curtains for it. I also got a nice little microwave cabinet and put it together all by myself, and I must say it looks pretty awesome.

We still need:
a coffee table
a china cabinet
one more squishy chair for the reading corner
a bigger tv
new curtains
a living room clock
new bathroom stuff once we finally decide on a theme
patio furniture since I ended up leaving those chairs when I moved out
fabric to recover the loveseat
clothesline

and I would also like to get some night blooming jasmine to put on our fence and some tropical plants like hibiscus to put around the patio.

and I also need to confess to my parents that I moved AGAIN and beg them to bring up the old tv cabinet that they saved for me. I think our tv might sit on the floor a few more weeks...